Reflections on Women and Power — Part Two: Change of Name
On the last day of the 21-Day Creativity Series that I wrote a few months ago, I focused on the topic of Self-talk. There is a familiarity that we have with the voices that we recognise from our childhood and our general past. Especially if these were authority voices in our lives.
During a random conversation with my mother when I was a teenager, she said, in passing, that I almost killed her as she gave birth to me. Let me point out that I understand now that it was an offhand comment that was not meant as an accusation but in my insecure mind that already felt rejected due to many reasons, I took it so personally. I felt that it was my fault that my mother almost died as she gave birth to me. This thought sat in my mind and my spirit and convinced me that my mother did not like me because I almost killed her! It was a deep-seated lie that found good soil in my young and growing mind that had no other alternate voices to tell me otherwise. The worst part about this is that when I brought the conversation up with my mother many years later, she did not even remember saying that! Her inability to remember it shows that it was, indeed, something that was not meant to carry weight with me in the same way that it did not carry weight with her because I clearly did not kill her! However, this incident shows the power of the voices of authority in our lives.
What I experienced over the years is that my insecure mind always picked up all the negative things said about me and played them on a loop until those voices became my own voice. I would repeat these things to myself until I forgot that they were just the opinions of others and not my thoughts at all! When this ‘new’ negative voice took over my own voice, I completely lost my voice and my identity became shaped by ideas of myself that were not true at all.
Then What?
I had no other voices in my life to oppose what I started to believe about myself — what I started to TELL myself about myself — based on the negative things others had advertently or inadvertently said to me. Without the positive force of the truth to counteract this negativity in my mind, the negativity turned into darkness. I fell into a deep depression and in that hole, I was truly shut off from any light and positivity. This was the worst place to be because the darkness had taken over to the point that I thought it was my home and, therefore, rejected even all light that would come to dispel the darkness — light from friends, family and from things I used to enjoy like books & more.
This is why I always tell folk who have someone who is suffering from depression that you cannot simply tell them to ‘snap out of it’ because they have embraced the loop of negative thoughts (lies about who they are) as their own and as the ultimate truth. This means that these thoughts are a vice around their thinking and it needs to be burned away by patience and the constant outpouring of the positive truth that brings freedom.
What is the Truth?
To know the truth means that we have to understand what we are allowing into our minds. Also, we need to be aware of what we are telling our children and also allowing them to feed on from the media. What are the things that they are starting to believe about themselves in their little minds? This is a perverted voice that speaks to them like their own and it is out to destroy and distort their identity.
We also need to understand that we ALL have self-talk and we all listen to our own voices in our heads as we think, live and go about our daily lives. This self-talk is either based on lies or the truth. If your self-talk is leading you into paths of darkness, depression and feelings of low self-worth, then you need to start to reevaluate your own self-talk then change it accordingly so that your emotions and thoughts return to the light.
One thing I experienced in my journey to reclaiming my voice through the actual positive Truth is the realisation that I had rejected not just my voice but my name. In my case, my name is really symbolic and its meaning is crucial to my self-identity. I stopped seeing that I had value — that I was indeed Precious. So, to reclaim my voice I had to reclaim my name. I also had to take on new names that aligned with my true identity. I called myself Favoured, Beloved, Greatly Loved and Purposeful.
Nations will see your victory-vindication, and every king will witness your blinding radiance! You will be called by a brand-new name, given to you from the mouth of Yahweh himself. Isaiah 62:2 (TPT)
Say Your Name
That new name that you have given yourself — the positive one — take the time to say to yourself especially when the negative names start popping up and you find yourself agreeing that you are good-for-nothing, weak, ugly, unlovable or anything else comes from a dark place.
Sometimes you might find that you need to change your actual legal name because of what it means and the connotations that it has — like a negative situation that was happening during your birth or that may have seemingly been caused by your birth. These names could even be nicknames given by unloving carers or siblings or bullies at school.
Everyone always says that adulting is hard and, to a large extent, this is true. However, the greatest thing I have learned about being an adult is that I can get to choose who I want to be. This is a power that we didn’t possess as children. This means that we can rewrite our narratives from negative to positive and enter into destinies that are filled with purpose, joy, peace, love, fulfilment and happiness. Try it out. Change your name and your story TODAY.
